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Women Living Well

Filed Under Children, Communication, Faith and Values, Family and Friends, God\'s Plan for Marriage, Intercultural Marriage, Resources, Stress and Conflict, Success, Time
Posted on May 15, 2010 @ 8:38 am by admin 

Today, I’d love to recommmend that you visit the website Women Living Well at http://www.womenlivingwell-courtney.blogspot.com/. I’m inspired by Courtney’s energy as she invests her heart and her time into caring for her family and herself. She is one of the few people I’ve seen who really considers homemaking and caring for her family to be a high calling and an art. It’s refreshing to read about her passion and her commitment to God and to her family.

On Courtney’s site, you can watch lots of video clips from her appearances on TV shows like Rachael Ray in which she presents her meal tips, health strategies, and marriage advice. She also presents tons of other helpful articles and quick, fun ideas, including:

-Menus and recipes that both adults and kids will like

-Easy, inexpensive gifts to make for teachers

-Devotional prompts for moms

-Great organizing and cleaning tips

And more! Courtney says that her favorite Scripture verse is Galatians 6:9, “Do not grow weary in doing good, for in due season you will reap a harvest if you do not give up.” Check out her site; I think you’ll be inspired by her. For me as a writer with a 10-month old son and another baby on the way in September, I always enjoy a bit of motivation and encouragement from someone as “with it” as Courtney!   
  

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Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire…

Filed Under Children, Communication, Faith and Values, Family and Friends, Food, God\'s Plan for Marriage, Intercultural Marriage, Resources, Stress and Conflict, Success, Time, Writing Inspiration
Posted on November 20, 2009 @ 2:55 pm by admin 

Is this your vision of Christmas? If you live in England, it might be, along with lighting a Yule log and gathering with your extended family to eat a traditional pudding. Or maybe you’re from Australia and your family always goes to the beach on Christmas. For those in intercultural marriages, expectations and culture clashes can cause conflict around the holidays.

For example, what if you expect turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, and pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving, but your wife wants to make lamb, rice and baklava? What if your husband always put the Christmas tree up on Christmas Eve, but you want to put up the tree and decorate it the day after Thanksgiving, because that’s how your family always did it? What if one spouse wants the kids to believe in Santa Claus, but the other one doesn’t? What if your in-laws expect you to drive 8 hours to visit them and a huge mish-mash of siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles (including that person no one really seems to know…), but you were hoping for a quiet holiday at home?

Issues like these can wreak havoc in a marriage unless couples discuss their holiday expectations with each other. In my book, Your Intercultural Marriage: A Guide to a Healthy, Happy Relationship, I offer an in-depth discussion of the holidays and how intercultural couples can graciously create a holiday season that is enjoyable for their families. Here are few questions to help couples sort out their values, customs, traditions and preferences with regard to celebrating the holidays:    

 

  • What traditional holidays do you celebrate in your culture? Which are the “biggest” or most important to you?
  • How did/does your family of origin celebrate these holidays? What do you like specifically about their traditions?
  • Which of your family’s traditions would you like to incorporate into our own family? Which do you NOT want to incorporate?
  • Which foods do you eat on each holiday? Which traditional foods are your favorite? (For instance, my grandma’s turkey dressing, my aunt Jana’s cheesy mashed potatoes, and my mom’s applesauce cake are out of this world!!! I eat them every Thanksgiving.)
  • What are your thoughts about Santa Claus/St. Nick? Do you want to tell our kids that they bring gifts on Christmas, or not? 
  • Did your family tend to spend a lot of money on holiday gifts? Do they expect to receive expensive gifts or money from us for the holidays? If so, what kind, and how much?
  • What religious or spiritual traditions do you follow on the holidays? Why are these important to you? Do you plan to keep these after marriage?
  • Describe a typical Thanksgiving/Christmas/Easter with your family.
  • What values and traditions do we want to teach our children during the holidays? 
  • What are your expectations regarding us visiting your parents or family for the holidays? Are you open to us alternating between visiting my family and your family?

I hope these are helpful to you! If you have additional suggestions, please post a comment here! Thanks so much. Happy Thanskgiving and Merry Christmas to you!

 

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GREAT Questions for Intercultural Couples

Filed Under Communication, Faith and Values, Family and Friends, Food, God\'s Plan for Marriage, Intercultural Marriage, Resources, Stress and Conflict, Success, Time, Writing Inspiration
Posted on November 16, 2009 @ 8:39 pm by admin 

Here are some of the most important questions to ask before entering an intercultural marriage:

1) What are your spiritual beliefs? Do you attend church? Do you read the Bible or other religious books? How involved are you in spiritual activities?

2) What types of food and drink do you enjoy? At what times do you typically eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner? How often do you go out to eat? Do you like to cook?

3) Which holidays do you celebrate? What traditions and foods does your family enjoy on these holidays?

4) Are you an early bird or a night owl? How does this affect your daily schedule? What does your “perfect day” look like?

5) Do you consider yourself an optimist, a pessimist, a realist, or something else? When you face a difficult situation, what tends to be your first response?

6) How do you deal with interpersonal conflict? Do you tend to fight or take flight? How did your family of origin handle conflict?

7) What type of work do you do? What type of work do you expect to do after marriage?

8) Do you plan to attend graduate school or seminary, get additional work training, or take other educational courses after marriage?

9) What is your current financial situation? How much debt do you have?

10) Do you want to have children? If so, how many, and when? What is your perspective on marital intimacy? Do you believe in using birth control?  

11) How would you describe your relationship with your parents, siblings, and other family members? What was your parents’ marriage like?

If you’re in an intercultural marriage (or considering one) and you are looking for helpful resources on the topic, check these out:

Additional Resources for Intercultural Couples

Intercultural Marriage: Promises and Pitfalls, 3rd edition, by Dugan Romano

Mixed Matches by Joel Crohn

101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged by H. Norman Wright and Gary J. Oliver

Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs

The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman

Before You Say I Do by H. Norman Wright

Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts by Les and Leslie Parrott

How to Save Your Marriage Alone by Ed Wheat

Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas

Your Intercultural Marriage: A Guide to a Healthy, Happy Relationship by Marla Alupoaicei

 

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Louisiana Official Denies Marriage Certs to Interracial Couples

Filed Under Children, Communication, Faith and Values, Family and Friends, God\'s Plan for Marriage, Intercultural Marriage, Resources, Stress and Conflict, Success, Time, Writing Inspiration
Posted on October 16, 2009 @ 2:25 pm by admin 

Keith Bardwell, a justice of the peace in Louisiana, refuses to issue marriage licenses to interracial couples. He says, ”It is my experience that most interracial marriages do not last long… I’m not a racist. I just don’t believe in mixing the races that way.”

Bardwell said he asks everyone who calls about marriage if they are a mixed race couple. If they are, he does not marry them. 

Bardwell said he has discussed the topic with blacks and whites, along with witnessing some interracial marriages. He came to the conclusion that most of black society does not readily accept offspring of such relationships, and neither does white society, he said.

“There is a problem with both groups accepting a child from such a marriage,” Bardwell said. “I think those children suffer, and I won’t help put them through it.”

If he did an interracial marriage for one couple, he must do the same for all, he said. “I try to treat everyone equally.” 

American Civil Liberties Union of Louisiana attorney Katie Schwartzmann said, “It is really astonishing and disappointing to see this come up in 2009.” She said the Supreme Court ruled in 1967 “that the government cannot tell people who they can and cannot marry.”

The ACLU sent a letter to the Louisiana Judiciary Committee, which oversees the state justices of the peace, asking them to investigate Bardwell and recommending “the most severe sanctions available, because such blatant bigotry poses a substantial threat of serious harm to the administration of justice.”

To read the full Associated Press story, please see http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091016/ap_on_re_us/us_interracial_rebuff.

Comments? Thoughts?

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Ah… The Joys of Waiting on the Lord

Filed Under Children, Communication, Faith and Values, Family and Friends, God\'s Plan for Marriage, Intercultural Marriage, Resources, Stress and Conflict, Success, Time, Writing Inspiration
Posted on September 30, 2009 @ 10:14 am by admin 

A friend of mine told me recently, “God is rarely early, but HE’S NEVER LATE!”

I thanked her for that remarkable reminder. The seasons of my life when I was waiting on the Lord to move and to work have been some of my darkest seasons… and, in hindsight, my brightest. There’s no doubt about it - waiting can be painful. It’s an art, a science, and a spiritual discipline. It’s a time when we feel like God is at the Potter’s wheel, crushing us, smoothing us out, and making something new out of us. But we don’t know yet what.

When we see God working in others’ lives, blessing them with a burgeoning ministry, a wonderful mate, gifted children, great success in their work, a promotion, a new home, and incredible talents and abilities - and it seems like they didn’t have to wait for those things from the hand of the Lord - we may feel slighted in comparison. While we are deeply entrenched in a season of waiting, we can’t see the light at the end of our tunnel. But I promise, it’s there!

In my recent seasons of waiting, the Lord has used several people in my life to remind me of this passage: “Wait for the Lord. Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord” (Psalm 27:14). The preceding verse is one of my favorites in Scripture, reminding us of where to place our trust: “I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living” (27:13).

Waiting forces us to depend wholly, desperately, upon the Lord. It causes a crisis of faith when we must fall before the Lord in prayer and decide with our minds and hearts to trust in His love and His goodness, even if our emotions are telling us that we’ve been forsaken. Psalm 138:8 reminds us: “The Lord will accomplish what concerns me; Your lovingkindness, O Lord, is everlasting; Do not forsake the works of Your hands.”

The Lord WILL ACCOMPLISH His good and loving plan for you. You can’t outwait God - His lovingkindness is EVERLASTING!!! He will be faithful to move in your life. He will not forsake you. And you’ll be blessed and transformed by the lessons you have learned through your seasons of waiting on Him. 

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Exciting Interviews on Intercultural Marriage!

Filed Under Communication, Faith and Values, Family and Friends, Food, God\'s Plan for Marriage, Resources, Stress and Conflict, Success, Time, Writing Inspiration
Posted on September 26, 2009 @ 10:31 am by admin 

This week, I wrapped up two interviews on the topic of my book, Your Intercultural Marriage: A Guide to a Healthy, Happy Relationship. One interview was with Dr. Gary Chapman on his show “Building Relationships with Gary Chapman,” and the other was with Tracy Haney for PrimeTime America on the Moody stations. I’d like to thank both hosts for their excellent facilitation and feedback! I’m excited to hear the interviews on air. The PrimeTime America interview will air on Moody radio next week sometime-stay posted for an update! The interview with Gary Chapman will air on Nov. 14th. Thanks so much, friends! Blessings!   

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Revamp Your Marriage!

Filed Under Communication, Faith and Values, Family and Friends, God\'s Plan for Marriage, Intercultural Marriage, Resources, Stress and Conflict, Success, Writing Inspiration
Posted on September 13, 2009 @ 2:17 pm by admin 

A few days ago, while I was driving to the gym after Catalin and I had had a “discussion” about our finances, I saw this bumper sticker: “An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.” I was so glad for that reminder. Though we follow Christ, it’s so easy for the world’s attitudes and actions to seep into our minds and hearts. And what we allow to seep in is what tends to ooze back out when we are “squeezed” by the pressures of life. Jesus said, “You have heard it said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’… But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven” (Matthew 5:38, 44).

Remember that your husband or your wife, the one person you love most on this earth, the one person you pledged to honor and cherish until death, is not your enemy. You are on the same team! You need each other. Don’t be fooled into thinking that your spouse is your enemy. Satan is our enemy! 1 Peter 5:8 says, “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” The devil wants us to be so consumed with fighting against each other that we forget to do spiritual battle against him.

Our job—through love, prayer and self-control—is to GUARD OURSELVES against false and negative thinking toward our spouses. An eye for an eye is not the answer. Responding to a hurtful comment or act with another hurtful word or action just makes the situation worse! That means you may have to step up and BE THE ONE to end the cycle and respond with grace.

Pastor Paul Basden of our new church, Preston Trail Community Church, has been leading a fantastic new marriage series called “Hug of War.” Catalin and I have enjoyed it so much and have learned volumes about how to communicate better and love each other more selflessly in our marriage. Check out the podcasts and videos of this inspiring series here: http://www.prestontrail.org/podcast/index.htm. Just scroll down until you see the “Hug of War” icon and you can listen to the podcasts or watch videos of the messages. Enjoy!   
      

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Listen to Marla’s Interview on Moody Radio-Chris Fabry Live!

Filed Under Communication, Faith and Values, Family and Friends, God\'s Plan for Marriage, Intercultural Marriage, Resources, Success, Time, Writing Inspiration
Posted on August 20, 2009 @ 10:16 pm by admin 

Hi! On Friday, Aug. 21, I had a live interview with host Chris Fabry on the subject of intercultural marriage and relationships! You may listen to the interview simply by following this link, scrolling down until you see the podcast from August 21, and then clicking on “Listen.” http://www.moodyradio.org/brd_programarchive.aspx?id=31078

Thanks for your support! Enjoy!

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Great article on Intercultural Marriage!

Filed Under Communication, Faith and Values, Family and Friends, God\'s Plan for Marriage, Intercultural Marriage, Resources, Success, Time, Writing Inspiration
Posted on August 3, 2009 @ 2:09 pm by admin 

Check out the following excellent article on intercultural marriage: http://marriage.suite101.com/article.cfm/cross_cultural_marriage. It presents seven principles that you should consider before saying “I DO” to a person from another culture. Enjoy!

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Calling All Influencers!

Filed Under Communication, Faith and Values, Family and Friends, God\'s Plan for Marriage, Intercultural Marriage, Resources, Success, Time, Writing Inspiration
Posted on August 3, 2009 @ 2:02 pm by admin 

Hi! I am looking for influencers to help spread the word about my new intercultural marriage book titled Your Intercultural Marriage: A Guide to a Healthy, Happy Relationship. Whether you are a friend, family member, author, writer, speaker, businessperson, pastor, teacher, or anything else…. YOU CAN BE AN INFLUENCER!

What does this entail? I will send you a book at a discounted rate (autographed if you would like) and then you will read it and spread the word in a variety of ways. 1) I can send you postcards that you can distribute to your pastor or others in intercultural marriages. 2) You can blog or write about the book on your website. 3) You can write reviews of the book to post on Amazon, Barnes & Noble.com, Christianbook.com or other websites. 4) You can hire me to speak or do an interview on the topic. 5) You can send info about the book to your local newspaper. 6) You can order additional copies of the book to give to intercultural couples.

All of these will help us to get the word out about this important resource. The goal is to encourage intercultural couples and to help save their marriages by providing them with practical principles and sound biblical advice. 

If YOU WANT TO BE AN INFLUENCER, just e-mail me at marla_alupoaicei@yahoo.com! Thanks so much!   

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