Pointers for Parents

6. Teach your children scripture and live out a faithful story before them. They will have to be warriors for God one day and they are watching us. What are we role modeling? They need to see our passion for the Lord which gives them a foundation for their faith.

Tips and Tricks for Writers

As an author and speaker, I often cross paths with men and women who write and want to know some of the “tips and tricks” of the publishing trade. Thought I’d share some helpful advice here!

1) Know your subject. Do your research. Double-check your sources. Perform original interviews to gain unique material. Find a cool angle and hook that give you a cutting-edge perspective on your topic - a perspective that no one else has. Do the legwork to find out about your competition and be sure to include that information in your book proposal.  

2) Work hard, and keep a positive attitude. Accept others’ comments with grace, and always carefully consider any pointers you receive. But trust your instincts, too. Don’t be discouraged by the market or by other people’s negativity. There are lots of “joy stealers” in this world! Trust that the Lord has given you something to say and a venue in which to say it. Pray hard and persevere!

3) Be teachable. Join a writer’s group and submit your work regularly for critique. Ask trusted writers for their honest feedback.

4) WRITE. EVERY DAY. Don’t spend so much time reading that you don’t actually write. Writers write. It’s that simple!  

5) Research your subject matter on Amazon and the web. Order books related to your topic and also be sure to get a copy of the most recent Writer’s Market. Know which publishers accept the kind of work you are doing. Send them only what they ask for.

6) Don’t rush. Be sure your work is ready and as close to perfect as possible before submitting it. When you think it’s ready, submit it to your writer’s group for their critique. Then sit on it for a few weeks. Read it, pray over it, and give yourself a chance to be inspired and make your final edits/changes before you send it to a publisher.

7) If you tend to struggle with correct spelling, grammar, plot development, etc., hire a professional editor to help you develop your ideas and edit your manuscript before you send it out. For an affordable fee, you can get your manuscript in tip-top shape, learn publishing tips from the pros, and greatly increase your chances of successful publication!

For more info on Marla’s editing services, e-mail her at marla_alupoaicei@yahoo.com. Thank you!    

Women Living Well

Today, I’d love to recommmend that you visit the website Women Living Well at http://www.womenlivingwell-courtney.blogspot.com/. I’m inspired by Courtney’s energy as she invests her heart and her time into caring for her family and herself. She is one of the few people I’ve seen who really considers homemaking and caring for her family to be a high calling and an art. It’s refreshing to read about her passion and her commitment to God and to her family.

On Courtney’s site, you can watch lots of video clips from her appearances on TV shows like Rachael Ray in which she presents her meal tips, health strategies, and marriage advice. She also presents tons of other helpful articles and quick, fun ideas, including:

-Menus and recipes that both adults and kids will like

-Easy, inexpensive gifts to make for teachers

-Devotional prompts for moms

-Great organizing and cleaning tips

And more! Courtney says that her favorite Scripture verse is Galatians 6:9, “Do not grow weary in doing good, for in due season you will reap a harvest if you do not give up.” Check out her site; I think you’ll be inspired by her. For me as a writer with a 10-month old son and another baby on the way in September, I always enjoy a bit of motivation and encouragement from someone as “with it” as Courtney!   
  

Book Review: Thin Places by Mary DeMuth

Several weeks ago on a Saturday, I received my copy of Mary DeMuth’s memoir, Thin Places, from Zondervan Publishers. I had been anxiously awaiting this book since Mary is a personal friend and writing mentor of mine, and I’ve been so moved by the personal stories that she has shared at writing conferences and in our conversations. I immediately opened the book and began reading. About two hours later, I was still standing in my kitchen, reading…

Mary has done a masterful job of weaving her past, present and future into an inspiring tome that will touch your heart. God’s grace, forgiveness and healing power resonate from every page. If you or someone you know has been hurt by abuse, especially sexual abuse, you will be blessed and encouraged by Mary’s remarkable story. I laughed as I read some pages and cried as I read many others. My heart broke for all those children who have been hurt by the adults they should have been able to trust.

Yet Thin Places never sinks into self-pity, despair or hopelessness. To the contrary, I found hope leaping off of every page. Though I (thankfully) was never a victim of sexual abuse, both my family and my husband’s family have a history of domestic violence. This has caused me to struggle with many of the same feelings of pain, helplessness, and low self esteem that Mary has experienced. Her ability to forgive her oppressors and rise above her feelings of victimization have inspired me and helped me to do the same. 

Probably the most compelling and life-transforming truth that I have gained from reading Thin Places is the reality that we do not have to DO anything or BE a certain kind of person to deserve to be loved by God and others. God loves us because of Who He Is. And God loves us because of Who We Are - His precious daughters and sons. And we’re called to love others not based on their performance or their ability to be perfect, say all the right things, and do all the right things. We love people BECAUSE we are all flawed and in need of God’s grace. We don’t love them IN SPITE OF the fact that they are flawed.  

This book will empower you to jump off of the hamster wheel of trying to earn favor from God and others; instead, you will be inspired to get rid of your spiritual, emotional and physical baggage and simply rest in the arms of Jesus.

“Sometimes I’m still that little girl fighting against the grief of the world, longing for a snatch of light in the midst of dark days,” Mary writes on pages 20 and 21 of Thin Places. Readers will identify with Mary’s pain and vulnerability. They’ll also rejoice in her remarkable gift for trusting the Lord to transform that pain into triumph through His grace and redemptive power. Every page emanates with the struggle with a young girl who has been wronged, yet still clings to her faith in a Savior who loves her and wants her to find wholeness and healing.

I’ve read quite a few memoirs, and I’d say that Thin Places has pulled the curtain of shame off of the issue of childhood sexual abuse, just as Frank McCourt’s memoir Angela’s Ashes poignantly illuminated the shocking problem of childhood poverty in Ireland. Like McCourt’s book, Thin Places is a well-wrought and luminous account of a life journey that led from dungeons of darkness to expansive places of light and hope. Mary’s book is available on www.amazon.com and at bookstores. I highly recommend it!   

Need Professional Writing/Editing?

Welcome to Leap of Faith! It’s the New Year, and most of us have made exciting and life-transforming goals for ourselves and our careers. Your goals may include:

-Creating updated newsletters or marketing materials for your company or ministry

-Increasing income and maximizing profit by honing your message and finding ways to more effectively reach your target audience

-Hiring a writer or editor to help you finish your book and get a publishing contract

If you need help in these areas, Marla Alupoaicei will be pleased to use her writing/editing experience to help you accomplish these goals. A published author, professional editor and speaker, Marla has many years of experience creating powerful marketing materials and helping write and edit books for publication. 

To discuss projects and price quotes for her affordable, professional writing and editing services, please contact Marla at marla_alupoaicei@yahoo.com. Thank you! Congratulations on taking the first step to making 2010 YOUR YEAR FOR SUCCESS! 

Ushering in a New Year of Promise

Wow! My list of New Year’s resolutions is about a mile long. I’m astonished that it could actually be 2010… Ten years have passed since 2000? God has impressed on my heart that I need to be more intentional in my relationships this year. My catchphrase for this year is CONNECTION. My goal is to invest more in people and care less about things. Spend more time and less money. Share what I’ve learned about writing, speaking, and the journey of being a creative Christian on the pilgrimage toward eternity.

Speaking of New Year’s goals, Catalin and I try to eat healthy, but we have committed to an even more healthy lifestyle. Since the New Year began, he’s been working out more on our elliptical machine, which I bought him for our anniversary last year. We had a baby in July, so I am working on losing those last five pounds to get back to my pre-baby weight! I have always been a “Cooking Light/healthy recipe” buff. One of my favorite challenges is to take fattening recipes and turn them into healthy ones. For instance, I love dips, but those can be some of the worst party foods. Why not try this fab new recipe below? I promise that you will love it and you will NOT miss the fat and calories!

 

Healthy Nine-Layer Dip

Ingredients:

1 16-oz. can fat-free refried beans

1 package Old El Paso mild taco seasoning mix

1 cup reduced-fat or fat-free sour cream

1 package store-bought guacamole (I like Wholly Guacamole.)

1 cup medium salsa

1 cup reduced-fat shredded cheese (Cheddar, Mexican or mozzarella cheese work well.)

2 medium tomatoes, diced

2 T. sliced black olives

¼ cup chopped green onions

2 T. sliced jalapenos or hot peppers (optional)

Tortilla chips (Thick chips like Tostitos Scoops work best.)

 

Directions:

1. Place refried beans in a 9×13 glass baking dish or plastic pan. (Avoid using a metal pan.) Thin beans by adding 2 T. of milk or water and mixing well. Add Old El Paso mild taco seasoning mix and mix until blended. Spread mixture smoothly in bottom of pan.

2. Layer sour cream over top. Layer guacamole over sour cream. Then layer salsa over guacamole. Sprinkle cheese over salsa to cover. Sprinkle tomatoes liberally over cheese. Arrange black olives over cheese. Sprinkle green onions over top. Sprinkle sliced jalapenos or hot peppers over top or just use a few as a garnish, if desired.   

3. Serve with tortilla chips. (Tostitos Scoops work well. I also like Tostitos Bite Size for parties-no double dipping! J) Cover and refrigerate any remaining dip.  

Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire…

Is this your vision of Christmas? If you live in England, it might be, along with lighting a Yule log and gathering with your extended family to eat a traditional pudding. Or maybe you’re from Australia and your family always goes to the beach on Christmas. For those in intercultural marriages, expectations and culture clashes can cause conflict around the holidays.

For example, what if you expect turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, and pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving, but your wife wants to make lamb, rice and baklava? What if your husband always put the Christmas tree up on Christmas Eve, but you want to put up the tree and decorate it the day after Thanksgiving, because that’s how your family always did it? What if one spouse wants the kids to believe in Santa Claus, but the other one doesn’t? What if your in-laws expect you to drive 8 hours to visit them and a huge mish-mash of siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles (including that person no one really seems to know…), but you were hoping for a quiet holiday at home?

Issues like these can wreak havoc in a marriage unless couples discuss their holiday expectations with each other. In my book, Your Intercultural Marriage: A Guide to a Healthy, Happy Relationship, I offer an in-depth discussion of the holidays and how intercultural couples can graciously create a holiday season that is enjoyable for their families. Here are few questions to help couples sort out their values, customs, traditions and preferences with regard to celebrating the holidays:    

 

• What traditional holidays do you celebrate in your culture? Which are the “biggest” or most important to you?
• How did/does your family of origin celebrate these holidays? What do you like specifically about their traditions?
• Which of your family’s traditions would you like to incorporate into our own family? Which do you NOT want to incorporate?
• Which foods do you eat on each holiday? Which traditional foods are your favorite? (For instance, my grandma’s turkey dressing, my aunt Jana’s cheesy mashed potatoes, and my mom’s applesauce cake are out of this world!!! I eat them every Thanksgiving.)
• What are your thoughts about Santa Claus/St. Nick? Do you want to tell our kids that they bring gifts on Christmas, or not? 
• Did your family tend to spend a lot of money on holiday gifts? Do they expect to receive expensive gifts or money from us for the holidays? If so, what kind, and how much?
• What religious or spiritual traditions do you follow on the holidays? Why are these important to you? Do you plan to keep these after marriage?
• Describe a typical Thanksgiving/Christmas/Easter with your family.
• What values and traditions do we want to teach our children during the holidays? 
• What are your expectations regarding us visiting your parents or family for the holidays? Are you open to us alternating between visiting my family and your family?

I hope these are helpful to you! If you have additional suggestions, please post a comment here! Thanks so much. Happy Thanskgiving and Merry Christmas to you!

 

GREAT Questions for Intercultural Couples

Here are some of the most important questions to ask before entering an intercultural marriage:

1) What are your spiritual beliefs? Do you attend church? Do you read the Bible or other religious books? How involved are you in spiritual activities?

2) What types of food and drink do you enjoy? At what times do you typically eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner? How often do you go out to eat? Do you like to cook?

3) Which holidays do you celebrate? What traditions and foods does your family enjoy on these holidays?

4) Are you an early bird or a night owl? How does this affect your daily schedule? What does your “perfect day” look like?

5) Do you consider yourself an optimist, a pessimist, a realist, or something else? When you face a difficult situation, what tends to be your first response?

6) How do you deal with interpersonal conflict? Do you tend to fight or take flight? How did your family of origin handle conflict?

7) What type of work do you do? What type of work do you expect to do after marriage?

8) Do you plan to attend graduate school or seminary, get additional work training, or take other educational courses after marriage?

9) What is your current financial situation? How much debt do you have?

10) Do you want to have children? If so, how many, and when? What is your perspective on marital intimacy? Do you believe in using birth control?  

11) How would you describe your relationship with your parents, siblings, and other family members? What was your parents’ marriage like?

If you’re in an intercultural marriage (or considering one) and you are looking for helpful resources on the topic, check these out:

Additional Resources for Intercultural Couples

Intercultural Marriage: Promises and Pitfalls, 3^rd edition, by Dugan Romano

Mixed Matches by Joel Crohn

101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged by H. Norman Wright and Gary J. Oliver

Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs

The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman

Before You Say I Do by H. Norman Wright

Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts by Les and Leslie Parrott

How to Save Your Marriage Alone by Ed Wheat

Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas

Your Intercultural Marriage: A Guide to a Healthy, Happy Relationship by Marla Alupoaicei

 

Louisiana Official Denies Marriage Certs to Interracial Couples

Keith Bardwell, a justice of the peace in Louisiana, refuses to issue marriage licenses to interracial couples. He says, ”It is my experience that most interracial marriages do not last long… I’m not a racist. I just don’t believe in mixing the races that way.”

Bardwell said he asks everyone who calls about marriage if they are a mixed race couple. If they are, he does not marry them. 

Bardwell said he has discussed the topic with blacks and whites, along with witnessing some interracial marriages. He came to the conclusion that most of black society does not readily accept offspring of such relationships, and neither does white society, he said.

“There is a problem with both groups accepting a child from such a marriage,” Bardwell said. “I think those children suffer, and I won’t help put them through it.”

If he did an interracial marriage for one couple, he must do the same for all, he said. “I try to treat everyone equally.” 

American Civil Liberties Union of Louisiana attorney Katie Schwartzmann said, “It is really astonishing and disappointing to see this come up in 2009.” She said the Supreme Court ruled in 1967 “that the government cannot tell people who they can and cannot marry.”

The ACLU sent a letter to the Louisiana Judiciary Committee, which oversees the state justices of the peace, asking them to investigate Bardwell and recommending “the most severe sanctions available, because such blatant bigotry poses a substantial threat of serious harm to the administration of justice.”

To read the full Associated Press story, please see http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091016/ap_on_re_us/us_interracial_rebuff.

Comments? Thoughts?

Ah… The Joys of Waiting on the Lord

A friend of mine told me recently, “God is rarely early, but HE’S NEVER LATE!”

I thanked her for that remarkable reminder. The seasons of my life when I was waiting on the Lord to move and to work have been some of my darkest seasons… and, in hindsight, my brightest. There’s no doubt about it - waiting can be painful. It’s an art, a science, and a spiritual discipline. It’s a time when we feel like God is at the Potter’s wheel, crushing us, smoothing us out, and making something new out of us. But we don’t know yet what.

When we see God working in others’ lives, blessing them with a burgeoning ministry, a wonderful mate, gifted children, great success in their work, a promotion, a new home, and incredible talents and abilities - and it seems like they didn’t have to wait for those things from the hand of the Lord - we may feel slighted in comparison. While we are deeply entrenched in a season of waiting, we can’t see the light at the end of our tunnel. But I promise, it’s there!

In my recent seasons of waiting, the Lord has used several people in my life to remind me of this passage: “Wait for the Lord. Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord” (Psalm 27:14). The preceding verse is one of my favorites in Scripture, reminding us of where to place our trust: “I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living” (27:13).

Waiting forces us to depend wholly, desperately, upon the Lord. It causes a crisis of faith when we must fall before the Lord in prayer and decide with our minds and hearts to trust in His love and His goodness, even if our emotions are telling us that we’ve been forsaken. Psalm 138:8 reminds us: “The Lord will accomplish what concerns me; Your lovingkindness, O Lord, is everlasting; Do not forsake the works of Your hands.”

The Lord WILL ACCOMPLISH His good and loving plan for you. You can’t outwait God - His lovingkindness is EVERLASTING!!! He will be faithful to move in your life. He will not forsake you. And you’ll be blessed and transformed by the lessons you have learned through your seasons of waiting on Him. 

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About Marla

• Marla Alupoaicei possesses a God-given passion for sharing relevant resources and practical biblical truth with her readers. She provides specific information for artists, writers, married couples (including intercultural couples), and caregivers.
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Recent Posts

• Six Degrees of Separation…
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• Seasons of Life, Marriage and the Writing Journey
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• Tips and Tricks for Writers
• FamilyLife Interview on Intercultural Marriage
• Women Living Well
• Book Review: Thin Places by Mary DeMuth

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